Dear Kids – Give Me a Break…Please!

Dear Kids,

I could not catch a break tonight! It was a night where everything was conspiring against me – you two, for sure – but everything else in the house as well. Sippy cup tops would NOT screw on, dinner plates were unfathomably hot, and tiny toys went out of their way to be under the softest, most vulnerable spot in my foot.

By the time you two started to chime in, there was no hope of a rational reaction. Buddy, you threw fistfuls of magnetic alphabet letters on the floor amidst my loud protests. Kitten, you serenaded us with choruses of “Watch me! Watch me!” while Buddy and I matched wills in the Great Alphabet Cleanup. Next, there was Kitten’s crocodile tears after you built a tower of blocks too tempting for Buddy not to knock down. You should only hear wailing that loud if limbs are missing – I thought for sure I must be missing something.

At that point I knew that bed was in order – for me. So, we went upstairs for a game of ‘Catch Me if You Can’ and the slowest tooth brushing I have ever witnessed. I could hear every bristle slide slowly across one tooth and land eventually on the next – that’s not cleaning, that’s torture. Kitten, you started in on “But I can’t sleep!” well before we even got one foot in your pajamas – a timing error on your part. By the time you were actually in bed I was so done working with that line that I simply walked out. Not that it would be the last I saw of you – no, no.

I ran away to take a nice, long, restorative shower and just as I am standing dripping and naked on the cold bathroom floor I hear the “Waa’s” from your room. Not crying, mind you. You were actually using the word “Waa”. Crying isn’t a speech, sweetheart. After dressing (you’re welcome!), I went in to comfort you and to learn that you needed – desperately needed – a blue book. I am unaware of the soothing value of cerulean literature, but it seemed to do the trick tonight. In the morning, I am buying you more blue books if that’s all it takes. I know a book that comes in mostly blue…

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