Dear Kids – Bath Time, Or How to Drive Mommy to Drink in Ten Minutes Or Less

Dear Stinky Kids,

You know when you find a t-shirt on the floor and you’re not really sure if it’s clean or not? You give it the “sniff test”, right? That’s kind of what Daddy and I do with you guys. Bath tonight? ::sniff sniff:: Nah, they’re good for another night.

It’s not that you guys dislike baths – you both seem to have a lot of fun, actually – it’s more that Daddy and I dislike your baths. We have soooo many excuses; it’s too late, isn’t it bad for their skin to bathe so much?, I think they were out in the rain today – that counts, right? It’s sad.

So, here’s the why of our aversion. At bath time…Kitten, go to the potty. Buddy, don’t get in, you don’t have your clothes off yet! [Side bar: you actually HAVE gotten in to the tub fully clothed before.] Kitten, will you please use the potty? No, Buddy, don’t throw your shoes in the tub! Kitten, going at school does not count – please go now! In you go, Buddy. Don’t stick toys up the faucet, please. Don’t pull the plug! Kitten, time to get in. Yes, I have to get your hair wet – that’s how bath’s work. Stop dunking Buddy! No, he didn’t hit you, he fell on you when you pushed him. Stop crying! Why are you crying?? There is NOT soap in your eyes, I haven’t even opened it yet! Buddy, give me back the soap. Kitten, put your head back while I wash your hair. Well, yes, now there is soap in your eyes. Here’s a towel. No, don’t take the whole towel it’s going to…fall. in. the tub. <Deep breath> Buddy, your turn for soap. Spinning is fun, isn’t it? But, not terribly helpful. Stop spinning! Just sit still! No, that is NOT funny! Who farted?? You know what? I think that’s probably good enough. How about you guys play for a few minutes? I’m going to go scream and have a drink…

I am now soaked (as is the bathroom), my back hurts, and I’m breathing hard from wrestling with wet, wiggling children. Is it any wonder this is not a nightly thing?

Photo Credit: audi_insperation

Photo Credit: audi_insperation

P.S. Despite our aversion to bath time, we do manage to bathe you on a regular basis. You are not walking towers of dirt and disease. You’re welcome.

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