Dear Buddy – Immune System

Dear Buddy,

You have far too much confidence in your immune system. Today you licked both of the steering wheels at the airport play center, which I think is your way of marking your territory; at least you didn’t pee on it. You also helped yourself to some floor chocolate – a special delicacy for you. Who doesn’t like mysterious Reeses cups from under the seat?

But then…then, while changing your dirty diaper before departure you reached down and scratched your butt…your naked, poopy, stinky butt. I shouted, mortified. Instead of wiping your butt, I wiped your hand. Then while wiping your butt, you started to pee. So, immediately another wipe went on your doodle. You took that wipe while I was opening your diaper and wiped your front and back with it. Fine. As long as you don’t…PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH…just like you did. I almost vomited. I ran you to the sink to wash, but it was an “automatic” sink and took three freaking hands to operate. Finally, wet and probably contaminated we both exited the bathroom.

I was so excited to get on that plane with you.

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Categories: Buddy, Kids | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Dear Buddy – Immune System

  1. T. Boris

    Beyond words. How do kids ever survive toddlerhood?!

  2. I think the only thing more polluted and toxic than the average kid are the Yangtze and Ganges Rivers.

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