Dear Kids – Bury It Deep

Dear Kids,

When you have kids of your own you will learn that throwing out their junk is not as simple as it sounds. It requires stealth, experience, and layers of opaque packing material.

Do not assume just because you tossed it in your bathroom trashcan where all the gross tissues are, or the kitchen trashcan where all the discarded leftovers are, or the large trashcan by the curb ten minutes before the trash collectors arrive – do not assume just because you think they’ll never look there that they never will. They will. They will find out.

Do not assume just because you tossed it in with day old banana peels, soggy cereal, and a wad of used pocket tissues that they won’t grab that sucker out of the muck…and more than likely put it directly in their mouths.

Do not assume just because they didn’t see you throw it away that they won’t see it through the gossamer thin, nearly transparent white trash bag as you haul it to the curb.

They will see it. They will find it. They will cry, “Why, Mommy, why?? Why did you throw out this picture?? I made it and twenty others exactly like it just for you! Because I love you! Why are you throwing my love away? WHY??”

Or perhaps, “No, Daddy, no! That was my most favorite piece of junk! I know that it’s broken, I never play with it, and I said that I hated it, but now that I see it again I want it! I NEED it! I must have it back!”

So, listen my children and heed my warning: Strike while they sleep. Wrap it up. Bury it deep.

Categories: Kids | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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