A Nose for Mischief

Dear Kids,

If you look at my nose and worry about genetics – don’t lose any sleep. The nose on my face is not one that runs in our family; this nose has taken years to create.

I broke my nose for the first time when I was twelve. I was on the softball team in my middle school and we were having indoor practice on a rainy day. We had paired up and were playing catch from one side of the gym to the other.

I was toward the end of the line with only one other pair of girls between me and the coach. For some reason, which escapes me to this day, I called time-out to my partner and turned to walk towards the coach, crossing in between a pair of girls and directly into the path of a large, extremely hard softball.

In a split second I got a face full of white leather thrown from the remarkably quick hands of our pitcher…who won championships…and earned played softball in college…at Princeton.

That it hurt is an understatement.

Coach immediately sat me down and, while I was still seeing stars, set my nose…kinda. As a reward for my stupidity, I got to sit down for the rest of the practice.

It was several years before I realized I couldn’t smell things others could. The hump in the middle of my nose? Character building! As possibly the least athletic person in my school, I could at least claim a sports injury!

Flash forward seven years: a care-free sophomore in college. I came home from a night of under-aged merry-making studying, and decided to leap over the railing in front of my dorm. I misjudged the height of the railing, my physical prowess, and gravity – I misjudged everything.

I went over head first, hands still gripping the top of the railing, and landed with my nose firmly planted on the bottom rung. It didn’t hurt at all! Under-aged studying will do that to you.

The next morning however…

I discovered that I hadn’t completely broken the nose so much as chipped it. On the left side there was a little loose chip that I could actually wiggle with my finger. No sweat – now I’ve got a cool drinking studying injury!

Two years later, hanging out with some friends, we were trying to do that trick where you pretend to break your own nose while making a popping sound with your thumbnail on your front teeth. Apparently it can be really gross if you get good at it. I was not good at it, but it was gross.

I attempted the trick and immediately blood poured out of my nose. People screamed. I was, understandably, alarmed until I felt my nose and realized that the little chip was gone; dislodged by the little “trick”. I guess it’s not a trick if you actually break your nose?

Flash forward another ten years: now a mother of two. We went to a friend’s house for dinner. You kids (about 3yrs and 6mos) were remarkably well behaved. It was one of those rare parenting moments when you get to actually show off your kids instead of backing slowly out of the house apologizing for the various messes the hosts will find in a twisted sort of treasure hunt over the next few weeks.

Amidst the love-fest that was this successful visit, I bent down to kiss Kitten on top of her well-behaved head.

Rookie mistake.

As I bent down to bestow my kiss, Kitten simultaneously jumped up in giddy excitement. There was an audible crunch for the whole party to enjoy and then a burst of white light just for me. And, just like that, Kitten had inadvertently fixed my first break; the slight hump in my nose was gone. A little swollen, but straight for the first time in 19 years.

So…thanks, I guess?

Flash forward to present day – about three weeks ago. Some people never learn! Playing with Buddy on the couch, I bent down to give him a kiss on the head…you know what happens next, right? Yup.

Kid jumps. Crunch. White light.

I couldn’t touch my nose, blow my nose, or even laugh hard for a good week. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be any dramatic misalignment this time – although would I really be able to tell at this point??

All things considered, I think my nose is holding up pretty well. After all, I can still breath, which I’m mildly fond of.

 

Me and my personal plastic surgeons

Me and my personal plastic surgeon team

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Categories: Kids | Tags: , , | 12 Comments

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12 thoughts on “A Nose for Mischief

  1. Fun read. 😉

  2. Wow, I don’t think I know anyone who’s had as many broken bones… ever. You win for most abused nose.

    • I proudly accept! I’ve never seen a doctor about it, but since I got such a nasty sinus infection after the last one, I’m seriously considering it.

  3. This was hilarious Meg! What a great read! Holy moly though – take better care of that nose from now on! LOL

    • A doctor told me once, the nose is there to protect your face and head – it protrudes and takes the force of an otherwise brain-damaging blow. So, I keep thinking, if my nose weren’t getting in the way all the time, I’d have a whole lot more concussions!

  4. Dennis Joyner

    Meg…I think you need to have a good plastic surgeon take a look at your nose! It’s bound to need some fixin’. Hugs, Aunt ‘Nita

  5. Those are some hilarious stories. I was literally holding my nose (all the crunching sounds and nose banging) and laughing the whole time! Poor you!!

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