Hay Balls

Dear Buddy,

We went apple picking this weekend! We had a great time and got lots of really nice apples. Can anyone say pie??

Your favorite part of apple picking is always the hay mountain. The farm puts out a big stack of hay bales for the kids to run rough-trod over. It is a lot of fun!

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The unfortunate side effect of all of this frolicking in hay is…hay in your clothes. Lots of hay. I didn’t even roll around in it and I had a handful in my bra – how did that happen?? Oh ya, this is how:


Thanks for that. Anyhow, you didn’t just stand in the hay like me, you got IN IT. Rolled around and practically shoved it down your clothing manually…


After a while, all my pictures starting showcasing you shoving your hands down your pants, attempting to eradicate the most persistent of the pokey pieces of hay…

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I guess that’s when you decided to go straight for the source. You stood in the middle of the hay pile and…dropped trou. Yup. You did. Stood there bare-assed in the bright mid-day sun trying to pick strands of hay off your balls.

Children ran around you, oblivious. Parents stared and then as one Chorus of the Knowing, began to laugh their faces off. I laughed too. While, of course, attempting to pull your pants up.

I grabbed the back of your pants and tugged. Hard. The effect of this on a sweaty boy is not the desired ascent of the pants. Nope. The effect is much more…slap stick. I yanked on the pants and effectively lifted you off the ground; butt in the air, head in the hay. I laughed harder and lost my grip on you, dropping you balls-first in to the hay. You thought you had hay in your junk before??

I collected myself enough to hoist you up under my arm and carry you, pants-less, behind a tree, where I delicately picked a million pieces of pokey hay off your bits and pieces. You were much relieved…


Incidentally, this was your father’s solution to getting the rest of the hay off you…


Surprisingly ineffective, but fun just the same.

If you enjoyed this, you might enjoy reading about when your sister peed in the middle of the playground.

Categories: Buddy, Kids | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Hay Balls

  1. Lol! Boys… My son ( almost 3) recently sang one morning, which I didn’t too much of until he told me “whenever I squeeze my penis, there is song coming out of my mouth”. My cousin’s comment was that as a teenager he might become an eternal jukebox…

  2. We went apple picking this weekend as well, however I’m a little less excited, as incumbent upon me is now the responsibility to use all these apples in some recipe or another before they go bad. Tick-tock…

  3. Hay: Better than sand!!

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