You streaked at school last week. Streaked. Not just weren’t wearing your pants, but butt-neked streaked through your classroom.
Let’s let that sink in. An almost 4 year-old running balls-out naked through a classroom filled with 30 impressionable young minds and two teachers.
Apparently you went in to the bathroom at the back of the classroom, did your business, and then burst out in your birthday suit, happy as a clam.
“Next thing I know,” your teacher said, “There goes his naked butt straight through the classroom.” Your female classmates learned things that day.
You had to be chased down…chased down…by your poor teachers. Nobody wants to wrangle a naked 3 year-old, much less one that isn’t yours.
You had to be ordered, cajoled, and convinced to put your clothes back on. “No! Naked!”
When you did eventually accept your lot and redress yourself, you put everything on inside out. I’m not even going to pretend to think that was on accident. You got to be naked a second time while your teacher re-redressed you. Good for you.
Needless to say, your report from school was not good that day. After I composed myself and felt confident I could face you without giggling, I took you aside for a serious heart-to-heart.
“Buddy, you can’t be naked at school.” Keep a straight face, keep a straight face, keep a straight face…
“Awwww!” A very disappointed Buddy.
“You wear your clothes at school, ok? When your teacher tells you to put your clothes on, you do it, ok?” Don’t smile, don’t smile, don’t smile…
“No naked at school, Buddy.”
You sighed with your whole body and looked down at the ground sadly, like you just had lost your most prized privilege. “Ok.”
We have been repeating this mantra with you, “No naked at school! Where can you be naked?”
“School!” You shout enthusiastically. Oy.
To Buddy’s teachers: I swear we are trying. However, I cannot yet promise you’ve seen the last of all of my toddler.