Kitchen Nightmares – Or – When I Tried to Burn Down the House…Again

Dear Kids,

I’m not a great cook. My greatest fault as a cook being that I frequently forget that I’m cooking. If I leave the kitchen to so much as blow my nose, you can kiss that dinner goodbye – it’s already forgotten.

There were warnings in my childhood that this would be the case. I often forgot if I had eaten, which kind of foreshadows my current forgetting that I’d made anything to eat.

This can make things pretty sketchy when your father leaves us three unsupervised for dinner. For instance, just recently it was Buddy and I at home alone for dinner. It was me – an adult who can operate a can opener – and Buddy – a three year-old with an undiscerning pallet. How wrong could this go?

As I stared in to the open cupboard going on my fifth minute, Buddy took things in to his own hands and got himself a yogurt. I decided to make mac’n’cheese and put a pot of water on to boil. We adjourned to the den to watch some cartoons while we waited (See my first mistake? I left the kitchen! My second mistake was that I turned on the stupid box, thus rendering me completely incapacitated.).

About two shows in I began to wonder why I was so hungry. Hadn’t I eaten? I asked Buddy if he wanted a PB&J and then dragged myself off the incredibly comfortable sofa to go make one.

I smelled something kind of…burny on my way to the kitchen. What could be burning? Hmm…

In the kitchen there was a pot on the stove – no water left – and an opened box of mac’n’cheese. Come on Meg, you can do it…

“Oh my God! I’m cooking!!”

…We had PB&J for dinner. When Daddy got home I greeted him with a big smile. “I didn’t burn down the house while you were gone!”

“Was that a possibility?” he inquired.

“Yes. Also, I don’t think I should use the stove without adult supervision anymore.”

Snacks – I can handle.
Lunches – Still within my capabilities.
Dinner – For the safety of you and those around you, please do not ask me to do that.

Categories: Kids | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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7 thoughts on “Kitchen Nightmares – Or – When I Tried to Burn Down the House…Again

  1. pb&j- protein and fruit. Totally a balanced dinner option.

  2. Haha this is so me! The burning dishes saga continues in my home!!!

  3. Given my spawn-induced ADD, it’s a miracle I haven’t torched my kitchen yet.

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