We Ain’t Afraid of No Ghosts! Actually, Yes. Yes We Are. Very.

Dear Kids,

The first movie I ever saw in the movie theater was Ghostbusters. I was four years old.

Ghostbusters_logo_svg

It went about as well as you can imagine.

My father had the both of us girls for the evening; four year-old me and my six year-old sister. He decided he’d take us to our first real movie; a cinematic milestone of life.

Kitten, your first theater movie was Frozen. Buddy, yours was Big Hero 6. We got Ghostbusters. Rated PG.

Also out that year were The Karate Kid, The Muppets Take Manhattan, and The NeverEnding Story (I could have seen that on the big screen!!). To be fair, there’s not a single cartoon in there that would have been an obvious choice. I assume my father went with the least offensive selection on the marquee: a comedy. I suppose he could have also just left the theater and not subjected his daughters to larger-than-life ghosts, but how scarring could a comedy be?? Right?

For the record, also out that year were Children of the Corn, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, and A Nightmare on Elm Street. So, I guess it could have been worse. It’s possible I could have been so scarred as to never wear a striped shirt again, which would have been a shame. I’m quite fond of stripes.

Freddy-Krueger-psd30698

As it is, I’m just not overly fond of possessed eggs.

posessed eggs

I’m pretty sure I spent most of that experience behind my hands. I remember lowering my guard when I saw the StayPuff Marshmallow Man and thinking he was pretty silly, but surely he would save the day!…until he got those angry eyes and started destroying the city. Why, would a marshmallow do that? Why??

When we got home my mother couldn’t figure out why we wouldn’t go upstairs. Up the long, dark, staircase into the swallowing abyss of the upstairs.

We cried at the bottom of the stairs. “Don’t make us go! It’s scary!”

“What are you afraid of?” She asked.

“It’s dark!”

“So?”

“Anything could be up there!”

“Like what?”

“Ghosts!”

“What gave you that idea?”

“Well, the movie…the ghosts.”

“You took them to a ghost movie?!” Busted.

“It was a comedy!” Dad defended.

Sympathy or no, we had to go upstairs. We could take as long as we liked, but we were going. My sister and I clung to each other and inched our way up each step in the dark. We just had to make it to the light switch at the top of the stairs. Just a little further.

When we were close to the top my sister (the taller) had to release my hand so that she could stand on her toes and reach the switch. Terrifyingly long moments passed until the hallway was bathed in precious, life-affirming light; dispelling all ghosts and ghouls. We were safe…this night.

For months this played out. On particularly bad nights one of us would be too scared to leave the bottom landing and the other would have to scale the steps alone to reach the switch. There were negotiations, pleadings, and pledges of solidarity. Our mother would just shake her head at our dramatics. “Do what you’ve gotta do, but get up those stairs.”

Years later, and much recovered, when I was about 9 years old. I stepped up the first stair on the case and noticed something out of the corner of my eye. A light switch. At the bottom of the stairs.

I immediately yelled for my sister (whom I’d caught up with in height). “Look! Look what they put in! A switch at the bottom of the stairs! Finally! Boy, don’t we wish that was there about 5 years ago?? Ha!”

We called our mother over. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is genius! You guys should have put this here years ago!”

“That was there years ago. We didn’t add that. I’s always been there.”

Excuse, please?

“I always wondered why you girls never used it. Always slinking up the stairs together like nervous rabbits. I figured it was a game. You really didn’t know it was here? That’s so funny!” And she just walked off like she hadn’t been withholding critical, life-changing information for our entire lives.

Yes, Mother. Hilarious.

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Categories: Kids | Tags: , , , , , , | 19 Comments

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19 thoughts on “We Ain’t Afraid of No Ghosts! Actually, Yes. Yes We Are. Very.

  1. One of my firsts was Jurrasic Park. I still cack my pants a little at loud thumpy noises.

  2. I think my first movie experience was Never Ending Story but the one that left the impression was Gremlins *shudder!! xx

  3. That was hilarious! Still laughing… Haha!!

  4. Your mother was Glinda the Good Witch, making Dorothy walk all the way to Oz, kill an evil witch, and confront a wizard before she told her all she had to do to get home was click those fricking slippers together.
    I don’t know if I could get over such a thing.

  5. Mary Jones

    How did I end up being the “bad guy” in this scenario? DAD was the one who took you to the scary movie!!

    • No, you were the GOOD witch. Everyone wants to be Glinda. 🙂

      • Mary Jones

        Thanks, Naptimethoughts, I was referring to the fact that they were so scared in the first place from the movie their father should NEVER have taken them to! Guess who had to deal with their nightmares? :0)

      • You are a wise and forgiving mother…did I mention beautiful? And wise? Please don’t stop babysitting the kids!!

    • I would say that I was equally scarred by both parents, how’s that? Such horrible, irreparable damage…I may need a latte to recover…decaf, vanilla…oh, the pain…

      • Mary Jones

        Never! Esp. since you called me “beautiful and wise.” ;0)

  6. Mary Jones

    BTW…the reason Dad took you to Ghostbusters was because it was summer camp and he couldn’t leave you home alone.

  7. Mary Jones

    The camp kids were much older than you guys at that time. :0)

  8. I can remember my parents going to see Jaws at the drive in. They figured I’d sleep in the back seat. I didn’t.

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