On our recent trip to Philadelphia, you and your brother decided that instead of having a ‘kid’s bed’ and a ‘grown-up’s bed’ in the hotel room, we should have a ‘girl’s bed’ and a ‘boy’s bed’. We had been in the room for all of 5 minutes and you two were already celebrating your victorious campaign before your father and I could even muster a, “Wait. What?”
And so it was. Buddy bunked up with Daddy and they slept side-by-side on their backs in peaceful cohabitation (Interjection from your father: Except for the dozen or so times during the night that he had to scoop the meandering Buddy back on to his side of the bed.). You – by all accounts – slept quite well. It was your bedmate – ME – who had a few issues with this arrangement.
When I climbed in next to you, you were waaaay over on the other side of the queen bed; hugging the edge like you usually do when you sleep. I had to travel to even give you a goodnight kiss. As a person who cannot sleep when someone is touching them, I thought, “This will be great!”
It was not to last.
After about 45 minutes I awoke with what can only be described as ‘Spidey-sense’. I opened my eyes and you were already right next to me and closing in fast! I turned quickly to save my face and felt you aggressively ‘thunk’ in to my back. You planted your face in between my shoulder blades and let the rest of your body catch up, snugging your knees (your bony, bony knees) right into my butt cheeks. You stayed there for about an hour.
Then you rolled. I could feel the wave of claustrophobia lift as you performed two complete revolutions towards the other side of the bed. “Relief!” I thought, just as a shadow fell across my face. Your arm landed like a mustache under my nose. And stayed there. I tried blowing on it. I tried kissing it. I tried moving it. To no avail. This was the current part of your body designated to be touching my body for that portion of the hour and it would not be deterred from its duty.
It was like this all night. The football rush to my back followed by a facial assault.
You woke up the next morning fresh as a daisy with little birds kissing your cheeks and sunshine falling softly across your face.
I woke up with a sore neck, stiff back, and more bags under my eyes than we brought to the hotel. So, to answer your question, sweetheart, No. I do not want to do that again.