A Lost Cat and A Glory Hound

Dear Kids,

Last night we lost the cat.


Usually he hides (wisely) until you kids go to bed. When we close your bedroom door he will be sitting at the top of the steps. “It’s my time now.”

He’ll meow his little heart out, leading us down to his food bowl like he’s sure we won’t remember to feed him this time. “Stupid humans.” I would like to point out that he has an automatic feeder. I literally just give it a shake so the food bowl appears magically full again.

Around 10:00 pm every night you can find him curled up and taking a post dinner nap atop his chosen family member; frequently me, but just as frequently the dog, and even sometimes your Dad.


It was almost exactly 10:00 pm last night when your Dad said out of the blue, “Where’s the cat?”

Good question.

We checked all of his usual spots, shook his bag of food, and when he still didn’t appear, I began to actually worry.

Had he gotten in to something poisonous? A mousetrap? Cleaning supplies? Had he snuck outside somehow when we let the dog out? Since his rescue 5 months ago he hasn’t been outside. Every opportunity we’ve offered him to explore out there was greeted with a distinct cat-like “Hell no.”

We tore the house apart (Quietly. Children were sleeping). We checked every closet, under every couch and bed, and the attic. I stood outside shaking a bag of cat treats while your father scoured the neighborhood. He found a fox, two rabbits, and a deer. But, no cat.

At around 11:30 pm we gave up our search and reassured ourselves that he would come home when he was ready. I went to bed and tried not to think about our resident fox and what his appetite might be like.

I woke up in the morning, exhausted and still very upset. I started thinking about which photo I should use for the ‘Lost Cat’ poster. Your father rolled over and yawned, “I found the cat.”

I say Billy upright in bed. “What?? When? Where?”

“Last night. 1:30. In the attic.”

“But I checked the attic!”

“He probably wasn’t there when you looked. That attic connects to all the crawl spaces running the whole length of the house.” And, thanks to the effectiveness of home insulation, we couldn’t hear him.

Apparently your Dad woke up at 1:30 am to scratching at the attic door. He opened it up and there was the cat. Hallelujah! The cat walked right past him and over to the dog, whom he snuggled up to and then set to purring like crazy. Like the dog did anything!

Hey Cat, you know what that dog did while you were missing? He chased an imaginary squirrel, licked himself, and then went to sleep. But he gets all the love??

I’d pretend to be more offended, but I’m honestly just so glad he’s back.

See you at 10:00 tonight, buddy?


Categories: Cat, Kids, Puppy | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Down She Goes!

Dear Puppy,

It was nearly midnight when you woke me up by tearing through my bedroom at breakneck speed attempting to catch the cat. Obviously the cat had a spot that NEEDED licking and this had secured your top priority. Clearly my sleep and wellbeing ranked far lower, somewhere before licking your butt, but after food, water, squirrels, and terrorizing.

I got out of my comfy spot, chastised you, and called the cat. The cat followed me out to the hall and lead my down the stairs. You – apparently not deterred at all from your objective – blasted down the stairs after the cat…and through me.

At the top of the stairs you took out my legs and ran right under me to get to the cat. I landed squarely on my left butt cheek and left calf and bumped down the stairs, clawing for purchase.

You are a jerk, dog. You didn’t even stop running to check on me. Jerk.

So, today I sit at my desk with an ice pack under my butt and my calf with a walnut-sized lump in it.

I hope the cat scratches you on the nose.

…who am I kidding? That’ll never happen; that stupid cat loves you. It was probably his plan in the first place…


Categories: Cat, Kids, Puppy | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

Can You Feel the Love Tonight?

Dear Kids,

It looks like love, right? The animals being all sweet and chummy with each other?


Ya, don’t be fooled. This is the treatment the dog gives the cat when the cat has…fleas.


Did I ruin the mood?

Categories: Cat, Kids, Puppy | Tags: , , , , | 10 Comments


Dear Puppy,

You never had it so good…


…Now, have you picked your color?

Categories: Kids, Kitten, Puppy | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

What’re You Trying to Say, Puppy?

Dear Puppy,

You were pretty darn cute when we got you, I’ll admit that. And you are a good looking dog, now even…


But, you have got to cut out this destruction crap!

I’m told that you are a good dog; very calm and friendly. Sometimes I believe that and think it must be me. But then I walk in a room and find this…


Or this…


Which used to look like this…


Or this…


Which used to look like this…


…and I think, maybe you’re just a jerk after all.

It’s not like you don’t have toys. You have sooooo many toys!


It’s that you like destroying stuff whether it’s yours or not.

So cut it out.

…or I’m getting a cat. On a Roomba.

Categories: Kids, Puppy | Tags: , , , | 6 Comments

The Results Are In!

Dear Puppy,

You are a….Mutt! Specifically, a mutt of mutts. Which is as what we expected, actually. The technical term for this sort of dog is “outbred”. A dog without a breed, if you will. What we didn’t expect was the random combination of breeds you seem to contain.

Let’s catch up. A few weeks ago I purchased a Wisdom Panel 2.0 kit, swabbed your cheeks, sent it off and – viola! – now we have results!

Drum roll please! According to Wisdom Panel, you are: 1/4 Shibu Inu, 1/8 Doberman Pinscher, 1/8 Rhodesian Ridgeback, and the rest is a stew of Collie, Beagle, Irish Wolfhound, Bloodhound, and Japanese Chin.

Wisdom Panel Family Tree     Wisdom Panel Mixed Breed Breakdown

Dad thinks this is bunk. I think it’s neat. You can think whatever you want, but this is the part that rang unbelievably true…

“Regardless of parental coloring, the coat color for mixed breed dogs is often a light-to-medium brown or black, frequently with white markings on the chest and elsewhere,” the Wisdom Panel website says. “A brown coat with black across the top and sides is also quite common, especially in outbred dog populations.” Outbred dogs “weigh approximately 40 lbs,” and “stand between 1 and 2 feet tall at the withers.”

Yup. Puppy is a smidge larger than the average outbred dog, but otherwise this is spot-on.

Back to your ancestry. I totally see the Ridgeback in your ears, the Shibu Inu in the curl of your tail, and the Collie in your long coat. You are protective like a Doberman, retrieve like a Ridgeback, and occasionally attempt to herd like a Collie.

What does this mean for us? Not much really. We’ll feed you the same, train you the same, and exercise you the same as we did before. You are not enough of any one breed to sway us in a different direction. What this report did was let us know that, no, our puppy is not overwhelmingly one breed or another; Neither of your parents was a purebred, and that is really what we wanted to know.

Puppy’s breed: Outbred (Mutt)

Categories: Puppy | Tags: , , , , , | 8 Comments

Mutt of Mutts

Dear Charlie,

What the heck are you??

Are you a German shepherd mix with that black face? Are you a Spitz with that curly tail? Some sort of Alpine breed with your love of snow? A Retriever mix with your love of retrieving? What??

Well, my furry friend, in 2-3 short weeks we shall KNOW! Thanks to Wisdom Panel 2.0! A little cheek scrubbing with the test swabs and we sent away to find out what the heck you are.

You were the only boy in a 4 puppy litter. You had one brown sister, one black sister, and one black sister with a white bib. You were the only brindled one. The rescue we got you from did not have your mother or father. Complete mystery pup.

The rescue guessed that you were a German shepherd/lab mix. We’ve heard a LOT of guesses. From the pet food clerk to the neighbors next door. Everyone thinks they KNOW what you are.

So, I invite you! Make your BEST GUESS! What breed(s) is this dog?? Answer revealed in 2-3 weeks.

Puppy at 6 wks

Puppy at 6 wks

Puppy at 3 mos

Puppy at 3 mos

Puppy at 5 mos

Puppy at 5 mos


Puppy at 6 mos

Puppy at 6 mos

Leave your guess in the comments below!


Categories: Kids, Puppy | Tags: , , , , | 11 Comments

Threat Level

Dear Kids,


Ya, this happened. When Kitten painted me into a corner while “helping” me paint the bathroom (she took ‘I’ll go high, you go low’ a little literally – I painted the wall while she painted the drop cloth). When Puppy snapped at me for getting too close to his bone (oh, no he didn’t!). When Buddy turned the bathroom in to a swimming pool. When the weather man said it looked like a snow day tomorrow. This. Happened.

Why is there not a “not enough wine on earth” level??

Categories: Buddy, Kids, Kitten, Puppy | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

It’s Convenient. Really.

Who wants to go through all the trouble of unscrewing the cap when you can just squeeze it right through the tube?? Thanks, puppy!


Categories: Puppy | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

His Bite Is Worse than His Bark

Dear Buddy,

Here’s a follow up to a few previous posts, Top Dog and Alpha Dog.

Three days ago, Puppy was hounding you as usual, Buddy, trying to get a nip on your shirt sleeve so he could tug you in the direction he felt you needed to go (ever the herder). You ran away from him which just riled him up – the chase was on. You both stopped in the kitchen, right in front of me, so I got a front row seat to this.

Puppy, open mouthed, leaned in to Buddy and tried a sneak attack nip. Buddy wheeled around and sternly said, “No Bite!” Then the unexpected: Buddy grabbed Puppy’s muzzle in two hands, leaned down and bit the dog right on the nose. !!!

Puppy immediately ran away yelping. Buddy stood up and starting wiping his tongue with his hands, “Ick!”

Unorthodox, but effective. Interesting choice, Buddy!

It should be noted that biting the dog back has happened several times since this first, surprising incident. It is always successful, as the dog does not like to be bit, but not always…tasty. Buddy, you have chosen a path that frequently ends with a mouthful of dog hair. If that isn’t enough to deter you, then I guess you do what you gotta do…


Categories: Buddy, Kids, Puppy | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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