After picking you two up from school the other day, one of you started a conversation – quite randomly – with, “If a burglar ever came to our house, I’d punch him in the face.”
Me: Wait. What?
Kids: Ya, I’d do that too. That’s a good idea.
Me: No! Bad idea! Very bad idea!
Kids: But they are trying to steal our stuff! We have to punch them!
Me: Where is this coming from?? No! If a burglar comes to our house – which is very unlikely, by-the-way – But, let’s assume he’s there. If one came to our house, he’d probably be scared off by the dog. Burglars don’t want to deal with dogs and our dog has a very big bark.
Kids: But what if he’s not scared of dogs? What if he comes in anyway? Can we punch him then?
Me: No! If a burglar comes in anyway then I want you guys to run out of the house. You just get out and go to the neighbor’s and call the police.
Kids: And they can punch him?
Kids: Oh. [Total disappointment] What if we can’t get out of the house? Can we punch him then?
Me: No! If you can’t safely get out of the house then I want you to hide.
Kids: Ya! We can hide on the top bunk and then jump out at him and punch him!
Me: What is this need to hit someone? No! Hide under the bed or in a closet. If you can find a phone, grab it and call 911 while you hide.
Kids: What if he finds us? Can we punch him then?
Me: If he find you, just stay there. Chances are he’s looking for stuff, not you. He’ll probably run away when he sees you. If he tries to grab you – Ugh – sure, you can try to punch him. Maybe kick him and try to run away. Or throw something at him and run away. The key is getting away. Ok? Not punching the guy.
Kids: Ok. I’ll punch him into the ocean!
Ooooh! I get it now. It’s because of Frozen. It’s because Anna got to punch the bad guy into the water. Now my kids want to cold cock a bad guy. Awesome. A whole movie about love and their take away is ‘you can punch bad guys’.
Burglars beware! My kids have it out for you and I’ve just told them they can kick you in the nuts. (Also, we have nothing worth stealing, so there’s that.)
Ninja Buddy is ready for you.