Posts Tagged With: accident

If It Walks Like a Duck and Quacks Like a Duck, It Must Be…a Brick.

Dear Kids,

Your father tells this story about his mother that I absolutely love, because 1) it says a lot about her personality and 2) it makes her more real to me, which means a lot because I never got to meet her.

I’m going to retell it, but you should really get it straight from your old man; first person account and all. But, I will try my best…

Your father was a kid in this story; probably around middle school. He and your Grandma (his mom) were ribbing each other one day, just being smart-aleks, when your Dad gives your Grandma a good zinger. Grandma grabs a stuffed duck from the floor and whallops her son over the head with it. Serves him right! …right?

Only…your Dad starts groaning in pain, grabbing his head.

Grandma tells him to stop being dramatic.

“Mom!” Your dad groans, “There’s a brick in that!”

Sure enough, the duck is a fabric doorstop with a brick sewn in to the middle. Oops.

Grandma immediately starts apologizing and inspecting your father’s head…while laughing. On one hand, she is mortified that she’s just hit her son in the head with a brick (a brick!!) On the other hand, she’s managed to accidentally brain her son with a stuffed duck.

Classic stuff right there 🙂

Categories: Kids | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Down She Goes!

Dear Puppy,

It was nearly midnight when you woke me up by tearing through my bedroom at breakneck speed attempting to catch the cat. Obviously the cat had a spot that NEEDED licking and this had secured your top priority. Clearly my sleep and wellbeing ranked far lower, somewhere before licking your butt, but after food, water, squirrels, and terrorizing.

I got out of my comfy spot, chastised you, and called the cat. The cat followed me out to the hall and lead my down the stairs. You – apparently not deterred at all from your objective – blasted down the stairs after the cat…and through me.

At the top of the stairs you took out my legs and ran right under me to get to the cat. I landed squarely on my left butt cheek and left calf and bumped down the stairs, clawing for purchase.

You are a jerk, dog. You didn’t even stop running to check on me. Jerk.

So, today I sit at my desk with an ice pack under my butt and my calf with a walnut-sized lump in it.

I hope the cat scratches you on the nose.

…who am I kidding? That’ll never happen; that stupid cat loves you. It was probably his plan in the first place…


Categories: Cat, Kids, Puppy | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

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