Dear Obnoxious Kid Who Told My Daughter the Tooth Fairy Isn’t Real,
You were so excited to crush her little toothy dreams. So eager and delighted. Who hurt you?
My Kid after school: Mommy! Look! I lost my tooth!
Me: Oh my gosh! That’s amazing! Way to go!
My Kid: Look, the nurse gave me a little tooth fairy box!
Obnoxious Kid not involved in this conversation: You know there’s no such thing as the tooth fairy, right?
My Kid: Yes, there is!
Obnoxious Kid: No, there’s not. It’s just your parents.
Techer nearby: Nu-uh. Don’t you be mad at her because the tooth fairy doesn’t come to your house anymore. Don’t worry, sweetie, there’s a tooth fairy.
My Kid: I know there’s a tooth fairy. There’s lots of little tooth fairies that collect the fallen out teeth for her.
Me: Yup. But the tooth fairies don’t come if you don’t believe, so I guess that’s why they don’t go to his (Obnoxious Kid’s) house anymore. (Burn!)
Obnoxious Kid: Uh, that’s not true.
My Kid: I believe!
Heartless attempt at stealing my kids’ youth: 0
I hope the Easter Bunny takes a dump in your shoes, Obnoxious Kid.