Posts Tagged With: pets

Things You Can’t Unsee: The Very Bad Dog

Dear Dog,

I’m as progressive as the next person, but I am not down with this inter-species humping.

Leave. The. Cat. Alone.

Meow means meow, man.


"This is mine."

Categories: Kids | Tags: , , | 3 Comments

The Talk…You Know the One

Dear Kitten,

Last night you read to me from your new library book: Kitten to Cat. It was all about the life cycle of cats and “sooooo cuuuute!” Apparently.

We came to the part where the kitten becomes a cat and the book declared, “and now the cat can have kittens of its own.”

Uh oh. Your little logical brain started cranking away. Hey, we have a cat and he’s over a year old, so…

“Can Mikey have kittens? I wants lots of kittens!” You said enthusiastically.

“Well, Mikey is a boy kitten, honey.”

“We can get a girl cat and they can get married and have kittens! So. Many. Kittens!!” I cannot describe to you how – even if it were possible for our neutered cat to spawn progeny – this is so very much not happening. Become a crazy cat lady on your own time.

“Sorry, sweetheart, but Mikey can’t have kittens. He’s neutered.”

“That’s ok. The girl cat can have the kittens.” Oh goodness. I’m going to have to explain this, aren’t I?

“That’s true; girl cats do have the kittens, but they need the boy cat to help make the kittens. Um…Ok, you know how you look a little bit like me and a little bit like Daddy? That’s because you’re made from a little bit of my DNA and a little bit of Daddy’s DNA. Girls have eggs right here (poke, poke at our abdomens) and boys have sperm. You need both to make a baby or a kitten. Mikey was neutered, so he doesn’t have his sperm anymore to help make a kitten.” Please, please, please do not ask any follow-up questions…

“Oh. … So, can we get a new kitten anyway?”


First sex talk in the books. Boom.


Not scarred yet!

Categories: Kids, Kitten | Tags: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

His Name Is Toby

Dear Buddy,

You made a new friend. His name is Toby.



Toby is your new OUTDOOR pet. I cannot stress that enough: Out. Door.

You and your sister made him a little home in the sandbox. You worked on it for over an hour.

It was awesome. Not the caterpillar home – I have no idea what that looks like. It could be the Taj Mahal of bug residences for all I know. I’m talking about the solid hour of uninterrupted alone time. Bliss.

Toby, I owe you one…if you’re still alive.

Categories: Buddy, Kids | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Lost Cat and A Glory Hound

Dear Kids,

Last night we lost the cat.


Usually he hides (wisely) until you kids go to bed. When we close your bedroom door he will be sitting at the top of the steps. “It’s my time now.”

He’ll meow his little heart out, leading us down to his food bowl like he’s sure we won’t remember to feed him this time. “Stupid humans.” I would like to point out that he has an automatic feeder. I literally just give it a shake so the food bowl appears magically full again.

Around 10:00 pm every night you can find him curled up and taking a post dinner nap atop his chosen family member; frequently me, but just as frequently the dog, and even sometimes your Dad.


It was almost exactly 10:00 pm last night when your Dad said out of the blue, “Where’s the cat?”

Good question.

We checked all of his usual spots, shook his bag of food, and when he still didn’t appear, I began to actually worry.

Had he gotten in to something poisonous? A mousetrap? Cleaning supplies? Had he snuck outside somehow when we let the dog out? Since his rescue 5 months ago he hasn’t been outside. Every opportunity we’ve offered him to explore out there was greeted with a distinct cat-like “Hell no.”

We tore the house apart (Quietly. Children were sleeping). We checked every closet, under every couch and bed, and the attic. I stood outside shaking a bag of cat treats while your father scoured the neighborhood. He found a fox, two rabbits, and a deer. But, no cat.

At around 11:30 pm we gave up our search and reassured ourselves that he would come home when he was ready. I went to bed and tried not to think about our resident fox and what his appetite might be like.

I woke up in the morning, exhausted and still very upset. I started thinking about which photo I should use for the ‘Lost Cat’ poster. Your father rolled over and yawned, “I found the cat.”

I say Billy upright in bed. “What?? When? Where?”

“Last night. 1:30. In the attic.”

“But I checked the attic!”

“He probably wasn’t there when you looked. That attic connects to all the crawl spaces running the whole length of the house.” And, thanks to the effectiveness of home insulation, we couldn’t hear him.

Apparently your Dad woke up at 1:30 am to scratching at the attic door. He opened it up and there was the cat. Hallelujah! The cat walked right past him and over to the dog, whom he snuggled up to and then set to purring like crazy. Like the dog did anything!

Hey Cat, you know what that dog did while you were missing? He chased an imaginary squirrel, licked himself, and then went to sleep. But he gets all the love??

I’d pretend to be more offended, but I’m honestly just so glad he’s back.

See you at 10:00 tonight, buddy?


Categories: Cat, Kids, Puppy | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Down She Goes!

Dear Puppy,

It was nearly midnight when you woke me up by tearing through my bedroom at breakneck speed attempting to catch the cat. Obviously the cat had a spot that NEEDED licking and this had secured your top priority. Clearly my sleep and wellbeing ranked far lower, somewhere before licking your butt, but after food, water, squirrels, and terrorizing.

I got out of my comfy spot, chastised you, and called the cat. The cat followed me out to the hall and lead my down the stairs. You – apparently not deterred at all from your objective – blasted down the stairs after the cat…and through me.

At the top of the stairs you took out my legs and ran right under me to get to the cat. I landed squarely on my left butt cheek and left calf and bumped down the stairs, clawing for purchase.

You are a jerk, dog. You didn’t even stop running to check on me. Jerk.

So, today I sit at my desk with an ice pack under my butt and my calf with a walnut-sized lump in it.

I hope the cat scratches you on the nose.

…who am I kidding? That’ll never happen; that stupid cat loves you. It was probably his plan in the first place…


Categories: Cat, Kids, Puppy | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! We’ll Give You the Whole Seat, but You’ll Only Need the EDGE!

Dear Kids,

So, last Sunday was…interesting.

It started at 4:30 am when Buddy woke up with a bad cough (yay, allergies!) and then every half hour after that he just sort of wandered out of his room for no apparent reason (“It morning?” No!!). He was up for good at 8:00 and down for a nap a mere three hours later at 11:00 – not surprising. I wish I could have joined him.

Next, Kitten and I saddled up to find a birthday party in a part of town I’ve never been to – this never goes well. I can’t find my shoes without a map and then I’ll still read the map wrong. I can get lost in my own neighborhood – it’s terrible. So, of course, we got a little turned around. I drove in to an empty street to make a U-turn and – BAM! – got T-boned by a red tank of a sedan  trying to pass me on the left where there was no left lane. Ugh.

This was the first accident I’ve ever been in with a kid in the car. It was decidedly unnerving. The gal – a young woman of college-age driving her grandmother’s hand-me-down sedan/boat – came out of her car already apologizing. I just put up my hand and said, “Kid.” I went around to Kitten’s door and checked her up and down – no damage. Amen.

Next, I looked Young Thing up and down and assessed her to be…scared to death. That helped.

My car was not as lucky as hers. Her sedan/tank/boat had some scratches on the headlights. My van had a big ‘ol dent in the passenger’s door. It still slides, but the automatic close (much coveted!!) doesn’t work anymore (sigh). However, it gives a sort of symmetry to the big ‘ol dent in the back door and the two foot scrape along the other side of the car. If my van wasn’t a beater before, it is officially one now (sigh again).

We exchanged info, shook hands, and went our separate ways.

Birthday party time. You know what breaks the ice at a kid’s birthday party where you only know one other parent? Walking up and saying you’ve just been in a car accident. Great conversation starter! Silver linings, right?

I hit it off really well with this other mom and we chatted all the way around the mini-golf course watching our girls hack at colorful golf balls on plastic grass. It was a good time had by all 🙂

At the end of the party, the other mom gave me her phone number so we could hang out – Eee! I got digits, y’all!

After all that I thought maybe I could get off the roller coaster, but I had one more thing on my ‘to-do’ list: take the cat in for his first visit to the vet.

The vet was an hour behind schedule. Ugh. When we finally got in to the exam room, Kitten announced that she had to go to the bathroom at the exact time the doctor entered the room. Of course. Not wanting to lose my grip on the elusive doctor, I stood in the hallway outside of the exam room where I could both speak with the doctor and watch Kitten enter the bathroom at the other end of the hall, all on her own.

There is an unusual amount of anxiety to letting your kid use a public restroom by themselves for the first time. There were moments – loooooong moments – when I couldn’t see her and that freaked me out. I audibly let out the breath I was holding when she skipped back down the hallway, very proud of herself.

The visit continued. The cat has fleas. Gross, but not unusual for a recently adopted cat. We got a pill to fire-bomb the current pests and a prescription for long-term prevention. Then of course, there was the rash…

The cat had come to us with a little rough patch of skin right under his ear. I didn’t think much of it until Sunday morning when I noticed a big patch above his eye and another on his other ear. Yuck! The doc said it’s most likely an allergic reaction to the fleas (wheh!), but it could also be ringworm (ewewewew).

Since she said the word ‘ringworm’, my skin has not stopped crawling. I have quarantined the cat and started cleaning and treating his rash sites daily. He doesn’t like this, but I don’t care. He is unclean!

In all honesty, I would be really surprised if it was actually ringworm. Ringworm is contagious and the dog has been licking him head-to-toe (particularly on the head) for two weeks and has no signs of it. Buddy – who catches all skin-related diseases – is surprisingly clear-skinned recently. It’s almost certainly not ringworm.

BUT she said those words and now…now I can’t touch the cat until the rash is gone. No one is allowed near the cat! Even if we did just officially named him: Kit-Kat…at least for this week.

Categories: Buddy, Cat, Kids, Kitten | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

Dear Kids – Dog People

Dear Kids,

…and just like that, we are dog people!

New besties

New besties

This new pup is teaching you guys sharing, responsibility, and gentleness. He has – in his short time with us so far – brought down blood pressures and increased smiles. On top of all that he is so dang fluffy!

So, despite waking up multiple times in a night to ‘I have to go pee NOW’ whines and ‘I can’t believe you left me alone’ whines, this whole puppy thing has been a great decision for the whole family. I’m excited to watch you three grow up together!

Categories: Kids, Puppy | Tags: , , , , | 4 Comments

Dear Kitten – Don’t Poke the Dog in the Eye!

Dear Kitten,

You don’t have a dog. You have to borrow your aunt and uncle’s dogs, Finn and Roxie.

When I was pregnant with you the girl dog, Roxie, glued herself to my side. Where I went, she went. She’d sometimes try to curl up with me as close to my belly as she could get. I hear this sometimes happens with dogs and people’s hormones – they just know stuff.

When I gave birth to you I was instant chopped liver. Roxie began to follow you around instead. If you cried, she whined and stared us down, “do something!” She would clean your nose with her tongue – which was sweet, but gross.

Once, when you were learning the parts of the face, you literally put your finger on Roxie’s eye ball. “Eye!” you squealed, finger still planted firmly on the poor dog’s glassy eye. Additionally, you would regularly ‘pet’ her by grabbing her lip. To my amazement and extreme relief, Roxie never so much as nipped at you.

Over the years Roxie has taught you with extreme patience how to be gentle, how to approach a dog, how to respect a dog’s space, and how to appreciate the genuine love a dog can give. I would give you a dog of your own in a heartbeat…if Buddy were not allergic to them 😦

 Callie and Roxie   Roxie

Thank you to Jillian Mak at Early Learning Planet for the inspiration for this post with her post, Children and Pets!

Categories: Kids, Kitten | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: