Posts Tagged With: public restroom

Bathroom Habits of the Novice Bathroom-Goer: A Study

Dear Kids,

Let me illustrate for you the difference between taking little girls and little boys to the public restroom.

Young Kitten (our female specimen, observed several years ago) in the public restroom:

I help the novice bathroom-goer on to the toilet (after placing “protective” toilet paper on the seat depending on the venue). She completes her business and wipes herself with some degree of efficiency using anywhere from an appropriate amount of toilet paper to the whole roll. While she pulls up her clothing on the other end of the stall near the door, I flush the toilet with my foot. Or, if she insists on flushing herself, she does so and immediately retreats from the toilet, covering her ears. The subject skips from the stall to the sink to wash up.

Young Buddy (our male specimen, observed recently) in the public restroom:

The novice bathroom-goer needs no assistance on to the toilet because his business on this trip is of the standing variety. He enters the stall and before I can object, grasps the toilet seat firmly with both hands. He lifts it to its upright position then, placing both hands firmly on the rim of the bowl, pushes back to a standing position. He completes his business…almost all in the bowl. It is important not to speak to the subject during this time, as he may turn to look at you, which could be disastrous for the hygiene of the stall. When his business is complete, he leans over the toilet bowl, trousers still resolutely planted on the floor and face now directly over the bowl, grasps the flushing handle and gives it a earnest tug downward. It might take much handling of the lever to accomplish the flush. The subject is happy to comply. When flush is accomplished, the subject remains in the prone position, hand on lever, face over bowl, until the flush is complete. This may cause him to flinch slightly as the spray from the toilet water hits his face and naked nether region. Do not worry – he will not adjust his position until the water below has stilled (regardless of the hysterics of his disgusted mother behind him). Upon flush completion, he will again grasp the toilet seat to return it to its original position; chivalry is not dead, nor are the various biological tenants of the stall, none of which he is now unfamiliar with. The pants are pulled up. The task in complete. The subject is invited to wash his hands (if not his whole body), where upon he answers, “but I didn’t use my hands!”

Vive la difference.


Categories: Buddy, Kids, Kitten | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

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