Posts Tagged With: swearing

Watch Your Damn Language

Dear Kids,

I had all these aspirations when you were born that I would stop swearing. I tried like hell – heck – to curb myself.

When I was pregnant with my first, I thought a few slip-ups wasn’t too bad. What’s going to hurt the fetus more; that I swore or that I stood to close to a can of tuna?

When you were babies, I thought that I should really buckle down and watch my mouth, but you were sleeping most of the time anyway, what was the point?

When you were toddlers…well…what are the chances you’d repeat that one word? I mean, you guys said it every time you tried to say ‘fork’ anyway.

And now you are little kids. Yikes!

Here’s the problem; I like swearing. Mind you, I’ve really cut back. Even I blush thinking about how much of my daily word quota consisted of crude language in my past. It’s unnecessary to speak so crassly all the time. But… sometimes only a good ol’ swear word will do.

Sooo…you two have said bad words on occasion. Here is our fix: We’ve told you you’re not allowed to swear until you’re 16.

And you bought it.

I don’t know why it works, but it totally works. You two don’t swear not because you don’t know those words, but because you aren’t old enough.

It’s worked so well that we’ve added other words to the list. In our house the following are swear words: Stupid, Hate, Shut Up.

When I or other adults or people on TV use these words you kids always call it, “Aw! You said a bad word!” I answer, “Yup. But I’m old enough.” And that’s it.

This has led Buddy to say on occasion, “When I grow up to be a man I’m going to live in my own house and swear.”

That’s a damn good dream, Buddy!

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That's right. I said it and you can't.

Categories: Kids | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

When I’m a Mans…

Dear Buddy,

You’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately about when you grow up. You’ve decided you’re going to buy your own house, which is nice. Some of your other musings on the subject are much more specific…

“When I grow up to be a mans, I don’t wanna be a superhero because I wanna be with peoples, so I’m gonna be a doctor. An I’ll work in a big building that looks like a doctor’s appointment. An I’ll give shots.”

“When I’m a man can I say bad words? I like mans cuz they can say bad words. I like bad words.”

Some of your life goals are loftier than others…

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Am I grown up now?

Categories: Buddy, Kids | Tags: , , , , , | 3 Comments

Really Bad Words…And How to Get Away With It

Dear Buddy,

The other day coming home from school you were pleasantly chatty. The topic de jour was babies.

A few weeks ago you had decided very abruptly as we passed the infant room that you wanted a baby. You stopped, announced, “My baby’s name is Danger!” and then made for the infant room, ostensibly to go pick out your baby. There was a mad dash and an explanation that those babies already belonged to people; that it wasn’t a baby store.

So, when you brought babies up again, I wasn’t surprised. “I wanna baby. I name him Danger! I feed him milk and he cries like dis, waaaaaaaa!” Ain’t that the truth.

“My baby says bad words. That not good. Bad words are NOT good!”

“That’s right, Buddy. We shouldn’t say bad words. What happens when we say bad words?”

“My baby says bad words like, stupid. That a bad word.”

“Ok, but we don’t need to name all the bad words, ok? That’s enough. How about you just tell me what happens when your baby uses bad words?”

“And ‘butt’ is a bad word. Don’t say ‘butt’ at the table.”

“That’s right. It’s rude to say ‘butt’ at the table. I think that’s enough bad words. You don’t have to say anymore, ok?”

“And another bad word is-”

“- No, Buddy! No more bad words!”

“A really bad word is-“

“No, no, no! Don’t say it!”

“F*ck is a bad word.”

“There it is.”

Guess which word Buddy just picked up?

Can I still punish him if he only ever says it to point out what a bad word it is? Is that some kind of swearing loophole he’s stumbled upon? The boy is always craftier than I give him credit for. But, ya, he got timeout anyway, because…parenting.

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Categories: Kids | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

What the – ??

Dear Kitten,

Recently you have taken to saying, “What the -??” A lot. Several times a day.

Last Sunday after hearing you say it for the umpteenth time, Buddy finally had it and decided to correct you.

Kitten: Where’s my doll?? What the – ??

Buddy: No, Kitten! What the HELL!!

Thanks, Buddy, for clearing that up. It’s certainly more important that Kitten finish her sentences than not swear. Priorities and all…

Categories: Buddy, Kids, Kitten | Tags: , , | 11 Comments

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