Late Night Guttural Noises for 200, Alec

Dear Kids,

It’s late. Your father and I are enjoying those last kid-free moments of our day together before we put ourselves to bed.

Suddenly we hear this horrendous, guttural noise coming from the front yard. Certainly an animal, but none I’ve ever heard before.

“What the heck was that??” Your father asks.

“I don’t know, but where’s the cat?” I feel fairly certain that the cat has either made the noise or been eaten by it. Or a sickening combination of the two.

I cautiously open the front door while your father restrains the over-eager dog. The cat saunters up, casually but with a puffy tail. He’s all, “what’s up, humans? Where’s the food?”

Then he eats and goes slipping out the cat door while we’re not looking. “Sparkles. Out.” Like he didn’t almost die tonight. Maybe.

I can’t decide if that cat is bad-ass or just an asshole. Either way I’m wearing ear plugs tonight. Nuts to his nonsense.

Mom. Out.


I could destroy a wildebeest right now. Rawr.

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